Rookie Season (revised)

I think that story is more polished this time around, but the pace is still too fast for me to get invested in the character and I still can’t feel any emotion behind the words so it all feels very stale. It’s just someone calmly describing a sports game and that’s not really interesting. We still aren’t told what happened to the narrator’s mother and the best friend isn’t mentioned before the last page, so everything in the story feels very out of order.